Tag Archives: life

Inherent Rythm

Somewhere within, closer than I can imagine. Learning that this solitude is either one of two things. The negative particulars wherein I always find myself takes hold and it becomes regrettably hard to escape. The other positive path is simply a change of mind and attitude. Stuck in my head and longing for community. More than what there currently is.

I had a dream this morning about being in a type of boarding school, a place that I’ve been to before. I mean to say, I’ve visited this place several other times in dreams. The one constant is that I arrive and there is always new people. Some people I know, most of them I don’t. It was something like living in the San Francisco Commune all those years ago. Seems like forever.

But that’s exactly the thing I wish for. A whole group of people watching each others back and making the most out of shitty situations. Currently, I’m learning how to enjoy being alone so that I don’t try and use others as a means of escape. Which I have always done. I’ve never focused on my needs to any extent beyond eating food and drinking water. Regular human stuff.

I always found the need give all of myself to a single person, which subsequently leads me to believe that I am easily manipulated which in-turn I give up on my ideas and sell myself short. And it really stinks to feel that way. I know that I am worthy and I just have to prove that to myself.


Just Another Day

This month has been a difficult and quite distracting one. With many reasons to be distracted and unmotivated, there is at least one physical place that helps keep me sane. Even though I have been fighting internally about some things, which doesn’t serve to mention at all, these are just obstacles. Although not physical, they do pose problems. Like most journeys I have had, what had started with optimism has quickly turned to annoyed sentiments and resentment.

The more time that I think about certain things, the more that I resent the person that I have been running away from all of this time. The person that never visits there family and dreads the day when something horrible has happened and I have to go back to California for some macabre reunion. Facilitated by some tragedy.

And this is what I think about. My day of birth is coming up in a couple of weeks, and the only thing that I want for my birthday is to be forgiven by my family. For always letting them down when they needed me and for never being there. This above all things would let me die happy.

Other than this, there is the fact that this month has been mostly rain. Meaning that all if not most of the outdoor things that we wanted to get done will have to wait. Because the house is still not habitable, we are confined to our separate living spaces(my tent and his van). Which is actually quite agreeable for me since I was beginning to feel like I needed some space to myself without having someone hover over me while I write. However, now that I am semi-comfortable, I have been able to get a few more ideas out onto paper and digital format.

What’s more is that I have been getting that inescapable feeling once again. That I am feeling more alone when I’m with people. I have tried to explain myself, that I am tired of being around other people’s friends and not my own. For the last couple of years it has been this way. Being 4th or 6th wheel to a conversation that I have no idea about. But this has proven to be futile. Albeit is not as though I have many friends; let alone people that would want to see me. So I can’t really complain seeing as I have put myself in this position.

Well, I am done complaining for one night Dear Reader. Just thought I might put that out there while I have the chance. On a lighter note, I found a really awesome Asian market that sells Poi. Until next time, Dear Reader and thanks again for taking the time out of your day.

Mni Wiconi (Water is Life)// The Storm in California

This year has been a good one for the west coast in regards to rain. It is a much needed resource for places severely stricken by the drought that has been happening for way too many years. So, this is a time for critical thinking and engaging in practices that encourage saving, reusing, and conserving the water that is coming down. We all know that there is a serious scorn by the governments at large to collect rain water, but that is just one more thing that we fight for. Water is a basic human right. Food is a basic human right. Shelter is a basic human right. And it would seem that said government(s) would suppress us even more if we tried to do so. But we are not afraid, are we Dear Reader?

Water as we all know is one of the most precious gifts that our planet has given us. It is the companies and entities that support the Dakota Access Pipeline(and every other pipelines) that would have us believe otherwise. It is Big Pharma that gains when we are getting sick from the foods we eat. And it is the police that ravage the streets with violence and death, keeping the homeless homeless.

The ignorance of America is also part of this problem. People who are not directly affected (yet) do not see the need to fix or change things that have been working for them for many years. So, as activists, we need to step up and bring the forum to them. Without them, we are not a whole. Against them, we will have nothing.

In North Dakota, there was a victory at Standing Rock. However, this victory is just a stepping stone to more battles in the future. Having the pipeline “re-routed” is a good thing as far as it not being drilled under the river there but this isn’t going to stop the black snake. It is still on it’s way to the gulf where it will be shipped off and sold with no benefit to the layman (except perhaps the millions of man hours for those who choose to continue constructing it). Stretching from Canada to Illinois is a long way for something to go wrong. As it always does. And by that time, it may be too late.

While Flint still has unclean water, what will happen to the rest of the Midwest?

These are the serious and terrifying direct results of ignorance, racism, and most of all, Capitalism. Inleague Press does not believe everything we hear and tend to have a bit more discernment through research and careful speculation.

As many believe with the up-coming “President Elect”, the pipeline will indeed be completed as scheduled. This is a major problem not only for the indigenous tribes, but for most of the American People. There is no such thing as “safe” oil. There is also no need or reason to continue using a finite, obsolete, and dirty energy when there are CLEAN alternatives like solar and wind power. Bringing the forum to the public eye is one thing, but it will not get the message out if we are not properly represented. Being a mass in the street is one thing, but it will not get the message out if we every there are still people watching from their computer.

The times that are ahead of us will be tumultuous ones. And the only way to make a difference is to stand together.

For Now

This post will be brief, as I am not using my own computer.

I have been giving an opportunity to do something a bit differently this coming year. I have been dreaming for a long time now to have a place where I can do things without having to ask someone to do it. Currently, we are in Oregon and it is so beautiful up here. I haven’t been here for about 3 years. It’s great that I’ve been able to make new friends already.

Anyway, as this is going to be brief, an opportunity to be a care-giver to a 55 acre property. In short, the owners of the property have not been doing anything with it for the past 9 years. So they have let us come in and start doing whatever we think is best for the place. And we have many ideas! Which is going to be really exciting to watch as it comes to fruition within the next year. We are going to be getting more connected with the community and try to build on that first, I think.

Last week has been a real test of patience and envisioning of the future. The coming week is going to be around 13-17 degrees at night and we have the blessing of staying at a friends house for the time being. Which is nice considering that we still don’t have our shit together(so-to-speak). We do have a set plan for this place, but it is going to be about a week before we really start to get going. A lot of the buildings are derelict and each is a hazardous project to take on.

Well, I have a lot written down on my own computer, and I don’t have the wifi here at this place  (they are very selective about who they give their password to… and we really just met) so, once I am able to, I will be getting all of that posted and keep everyone updated. It’s about 2 weeks worth of material too. Don’t worry, Dear Reader, I think of you often and that’s enough to keep me going.

Recent News

It seems that the increasing amount of articles being written about Standing Rock are saying precisely what I have been writing about since I left there. What has become an increasingly problematic issue has spread from within the camp to social media outlets and thousands of users that are addressing the “colonization” at Standing Rock. It is understood that there is always a need for numbers, but when those numbers are legitimately not offering any services but in fact receiving services meant for Natives, it becomes a problem.

We need to reflect on the real reasons that we go to such movements. A lot is lost in pride and ego. And there is a lot to be learned by these reflections. I have already said before that we find ourselves at places like Standing Rock without a purpose. Trying to find one while you’re there can be simple just by asking around. But we need to dig a bit deeper than that. And we need to understand that this fight is never about ourselves, but about the future of our youth.

One of the most important aspects of this blog is making sure that the community is aware of all the obstacles that are being placed on our youth. Our children will eventually carry on our legacy, and every day I am plagued by the thought that I would have not done them justice because I was idle.

I can no longer stay idle. WE can no longer stay idle.

Fresh Air

It’s important to remember why you are doing anything in the first place. Being with the right group of people may sometimes help remind us of what that is. My recent trip was an eye-opener for sure, and I wouldn’t have changed it a bit. The past couple of months have been rocky, and I didn’t think that I would be ready to start a trip so abruptly. However, there are times when you just have to roll the dice.

Taking this opportunity to get out of my stagnant state-of-mind helped me remember why I made this blog in the first place. One of the primary reasons in fact; to bring awareness to my community about living an alternative lifestyle. Contributing to what is important in the world. There are times when I get lost in my own head and begin to whine and moan about things that are wrong in my life, but I know that those things pass and that there are greater issues that need to be addressed then my petty BS. Having a new sense of why I started to fight for a cause has made me realize that I have been way too lax in my writing.

Perhaps my writing is simple, but at least it is for purposes greater than myself. Continuing to have platform may prove to be the very bridge that I need to cross in order to open a new chapter in my life. And I’m willing to take it to the next level.

It is a wonderful thing when you can see inspiration on the horizon. And knowing that it can help others in some way is rewarding enough. Thank you Dear Reader, I would love to hear from you if you have any feedback as well!

Post Scriptum- I’m going up to Oregon for a while to help a friend out with another farm. Perhaps this will open doors to something amazing! *fingers crossed*

My Brief Trip

Just getting back from Standing Rock, North Dakota and there are still whirlwinds of ideas blowing around in my head. My time there was a good chance for personal healing as well as a moment for me to reflect on the importance of community and the reason why I started this blog in the first place. Although every day was different and full of things to do, there were also things that were going seemingly unnoticed.

I won’t really get in to that, as I don’t want to seem like I’m bad mouthing anyone. But there are some imperative issues that need to be addressed and fixed as soon as possible. Especially because there are more and more people showing up every day.

For the time being, I think that I will be going up to a different farm to get my wits back and work on my art and my journalism. I think that being here for so long has made me stagnant in some aspects, and that’s never good. Being in North Dakota was a refresher course in what it is that I want to leave this world when I’m gone; and fighting for our youth is one major componant.

I will be writing a synopsis of sorts about my brief trip to Standing Rock, and I hope that it will be informative to those who will be joining the stuggle throughout the winter. This pipeline is not going to stop, and every day they are digging and the drill gets closer and closer. My goal is to bring awareness to those who think that they will be able to withstand the freezing temperatures of the coming months and to help supply people with adequate information that may help them in the coming weeks.