Dear Reader, thinking about the last month and my fight with all of these personal things, I realise that because of my decisions I made when I was younger has lead to a very small social group. As of right now, I am making new friends. But it’s not like I went out and met them. They come to farm and we get to know each other and then they are gone just as soon as they came.
Knowing that my life will be better if I just stay sober and keep my mind occupied with the things that are still important to me, I know that I can beat this sense of loneliness.
This place has been so wonderful to me, and I fear that I haven’t really returned the favour. Or at least lately. Trying to get my head on straight while I’m by myself isn’t the best thing that I could do I suppose, but it is something that I simply just have to do.
I just wish that there was a simpler way to handle this. Because it is hard to stay focused when everyone around you is drinking and having fun and you like to do that but get a bit carried away and then start saying and doing stupid shit. But I guess no one is really themselves when they get drunk.
And it’s none of their faults that I can’t handle myself when I’m drinking. It boils down to everyone not having a problem but me.