Retrograde

I have been having some really traumatizing inner-turmoil with some of the things that have been happening to me lately. (What’s new?) So, let me jump right in to it:

First off, my dog. She is a great dog. The only thing is that she is constantly running away. I don’t know why she does it. The only real reason that I can think of is because I might not be giving her enough attention and she gets bored. But even when there is another dog here, she will still run away.

I mean, she has everything that I think that she could want, but really I guess not because she still finds her way to the road. Keeping her in the yurt isn’t what a dog’s life should be when we live on a farm. And I’ve tried to keep her in and let her out for a certain amount of time. But even in that amount of time, she still finds a way to slip past everyone and run away.

I suppose that the next step is to make her a run that she can’t get off of. One of those metal wires that you hang from two trees. She’ll wine, but I guess that’s just part of it.

Right now, she is at an animal care service and I don’t have a ride to pick her up. I only have about a couple of days to claim her, and it’s very stressful.

Second, I have made a very stupid decision that may cost me my job. I don’t want to put it out there in the universe and everything, but I just have a feeling. I don’t want to lose it, but maybe it just might have to happen

I know that it was a stupid idea. And I feel worse than I did before. There isn’t much that I can do about it now. Except deal with the consequences of my actions. I just hope that there is some understanding.

Third, I have never been good at asking for help when I really need it. I’m a suffering alcoholic and a constant threat to myself. I am always in constant anguish and mental distress even though I don’t show it outwardly. Something that has been part of my persona all of my life. Something that I try to bury with alcohol. I hate myself for it, hence the reason why I need the help.

I can’t talk to my boss at all because he intimidates me and I don’t think he really understands. And when I have, the answer is always the same. I need to get off the farm for a while and do my own thing and just try and figure out where I can get help.

It’s just that I am not mobile, and even getting a ride is difficult. Plus, I don’t have a phone, so I can’t call anyone. So everything right now is just up in the air, and I’m just hoping that I don’t get fired. I guess we’ll just see when that time comes.

Thank you, Dear Reader. Sometimes, I just have to get it out there, maybe someone will read it.

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