Some bullshit that I decided to write about because it made me happy.

Recently, a very special person came back into my life for the briefest of moments. Even though it was a video chat, it was nice to see her beautiful smile. Something I have yearned to lay my eyes upon for what has become years.

This post is to explain my anxiety and nervousness. As much as I try to just let it flow, I find myself swamped in my mind again. That feeling of wanting something more. Something tangible.

To be honest, she has been the only person that I had ever tried to impress. Just knowing that she would be around made me act differently. It made me motivated to finish any projects with loose ends and to share every aspect of my life that I could. Even though I preoccupy myself with the garden and learning about all the different and specific needs of all the plants, I always felt reception just talking about all the things I’ve learned.

If I am being candid, the amount of nervousness that I felt seeing my phone ring and seeing her name was not enough to not pick it up. With the surprising amount of courage that I must have had on reserve somewhere in the depths of my soul, I answered. Only to be chocked up and tongue tied. As if being strangled by a Ghost of Fear.

I wasn’t ready to talk, there was so many tumultuous thoughts.

Recollecting the smoothness of her voice, the softness that flowed through those lips. The intensity of her eyes and the way they flicker with animation. Perpetual beauty like a faceted gem where I find no faults. Perhaps not even faceted but weathered and tried through time and life which carefully etched the voluptuous landscape that is her body, her mind and her soul.

Although I might be some-what intimidated by her, I know that given the opportunity, I could get passed that and be able to share myself with her like that lost summer. When the weather was perfect and the sun shown through. I could go on-and-on in that old and corny fashion, but I wish not to bore you with whimsical fancies of a mind plagued by loneliness.

Just thinking of her makes me absolutely crazy. For several reasons…


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