I’ve been thinking about a lot more frequently lately about the person that I am. And to put it simply, I am full-hearted about most things, especially when those things have to do with getting involved with someone.
I become attached way too often, and I believe it to be quite unhealthy for the most part. However, there isn’t much I can do about that.
Being on this farm, I am able to practice and reflect on how to maintain cohesive relationships. There was an incident that happened where I subsequently lost some trust from my boss. But knowing and understanding that I messed up helps me learn from my mistake.
So I’m trying to do better for myself, and in retrospect, I have more money now that I don’t spend so much on beer or liquor.
But now that I am mostly sober most of the time, any kind of attention I receive from internet conversations or otherwise, I get trapped in emotions and longing. And when it leaves I feel sullen and ultimately depressed. As if I had lost something I have had all my life.
And that’s what gets to me. My mind gets caught up in presumptions and strange outcomes that will never come to fruition. But, until I will remain on a somewhat straightened arrow.
Thank you, Dear Reader, for your time. And I promise my next post will be about plants. (Which I’m actually excited for because gardening is the only thing that will satiate my dreamy thoughts of a future with someone that may not exist…)