Long Term

Still here Dear Reader. It’s a bit tougher than I had expected but I’m not losing hope. Each day that passes is another day I have to dwell in my own head. I have been dreaming of all types of things. Mostly of being with people that have walked out of my life. I see friends that I haven’t seen in years. And it’s disconcerting and leaves me bereft. I’m constantly haunted by my own ideals, and when I awake, it is all gone. Again and again.

The fact is, although it does look like it could all get much better, and I’ll end up where I want to be, I have practically no money to get anywhere that I would want to go. Looking in the forums and on reddit and everywhere else, and I find that one of the tips is to “always have an escape plan”. Meaning, to me, that if it doesn’t work out where ever it is that I land, to have a plan to be able to get out.

But therein lies the problem. I don’t really have a money(practically none..). I’m not opposed to hitch-hiking and I can do that… and to be honest, I’m kind of afraid of doing it alone. This is the first time I’ll be travelling without the presence of anyone that I know personally.

So it goes.

No matter how afraid I truly am, it is something that needs to be done. But to tell you the truth, I feel stuck somehow. Even though I known that I’m not. My imagination has me running in emotional circles, and when I think I’m better, I see a tree or a photo, and I’m back to feeling all of those feelings. It’s funny how things like that will become so nostalgic once you’ve shared a memory with someone. Part of me wishes that it weren’t so. Memories and experience can’t be taken away. And they are equally hard to forget.

Thank You Dear Reader for your time once more. Hopefully, I will be able to find a place that will need me to stay long-term. That way, I’ll be able to make connections with those doing the same as me.

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