Next Move

As it turns out, I am once again going to be moving to a different location. Having a garden just doesn’t seem to be happening this year… again. Which really puts a damper on my spirits. For once, I would just like to see my peppers flower and fruit. Along with my other herbs and plants. However, all is not lost.

Because we had such a horrible winter here, I took it upon myself to pot everything so that if the location I chose was not working, I could move them to a more permanent location when I found it. Since I have only been here 6 months, I have no clue when and where the summer sun will be at the specific times that I want. So, I woke up every morning and monitored where the sun was shining, where the dappled shade was, and which spots got the most adequate amount of direct sunlight per day. To no avail as this seems to have been a waste of time.

My mind has been on a path of peppers, but also using Herbs medicinally and how I can incorporate that into a way of living. Not to say that I want to become some shaman or anything, but perhaps a friend of a shaman. A provider of natural herbal medicines and as such, I am learning about many different herbs and how to identify them. I am also making a list of herbs and plants which I think would be worthwhile to learn as much as possible about: Golden Seal, Echinacea, St. John’s Wart, Black Cohosh, Milk Thistle, and Pipsissewa for starters.

Each of these plants that I have chosen have a special significance which I will share as I learn more and more about them. They each have special properties that help aid specific ailments that I suffer.

As I sit in the rain, there is not much to do but research and listen to music and count down the days until I will not be here warm and comfortable. Dreading the fact that I will have to move my entire garden one more time for the past 3 growing seasons… So it goes…

This time has given me a mostly drawn out business plan though. So it’s not entirely time wasted. It’s given me more of a purpose. An educated explanation of what few and simple things that I want for myself. It’s going to be hard, being homeless and all, but maybe things will work out. Just maybe…


Inherent Rythm

Somewhere within, closer than I can imagine. Learning that this solitude is either one of two things. The negative particulars wherein I always find myself takes hold and it becomes regrettably hard to escape. The other positive path is simply a change of mind and attitude. Stuck in my head and longing for community. More than what there currently is.

I had a dream this morning about being in a type of boarding school, a place that I’ve been to before. I mean to say, I’ve visited this place several other times in dreams. The one constant is that I arrive and there is always new people. Some people I know, most of them I don’t. It was something like living in the San Francisco Commune all those years ago. Seems like forever.

But that’s exactly the thing I wish for. A whole group of people watching each others back and making the most out of shitty situations. Currently, I’m learning how to enjoy being alone so that I don’t try and use others as a means of escape. Which I have always done. I’ve never focused on my needs to any extent beyond eating food and drinking water. Regular human stuff.

I always found the need give all of myself to a single person, which subsequently leads me to believe that I am easily manipulated which in-turn I give up on my ideas and sell myself short. And it really stinks to feel that way. I know that I am worthy and I just have to prove that to myself.

Just Another Day

This month has been a difficult and quite distracting one. With many reasons to be distracted and unmotivated, there is at least one physical place that helps keep me sane. Even though I have been fighting internally about some things, which doesn’t serve to mention at all, these are just obstacles. Although not physical, they do pose problems. Like most journeys I have had, what had started with optimism has quickly turned to annoyed sentiments and resentment.

The more time that I think about certain things, the more that I resent the person that I have been running away from all of this time. The person that never visits there family and dreads the day when something horrible has happened and I have to go back to California for some macabre reunion. Facilitated by some tragedy.

And this is what I think about. My day of birth is coming up in a couple of weeks, and the only thing that I want for my birthday is to be forgiven by my family. For always letting them down when they needed me and for never being there. This above all things would let me die happy.

Other than this, there is the fact that this month has been mostly rain. Meaning that all if not most of the outdoor things that we wanted to get done will have to wait. Because the house is still not habitable, we are confined to our separate living spaces(my tent and his van). Which is actually quite agreeable for me since I was beginning to feel like I needed some space to myself without having someone hover over me while I write. However, now that I am semi-comfortable, I have been able to get a few more ideas out onto paper and digital format.

What’s more is that I have been getting that inescapable feeling once again. That I am feeling more alone when I’m with people. I have tried to explain myself, that I am tired of being around other people’s friends and not my own. For the last couple of years it has been this way. Being 4th or 6th wheel to a conversation that I have no idea about. But this has proven to be futile. Albeit is not as though I have many friends; let alone people that would want to see me. So I can’t really complain seeing as I have put myself in this position.

Well, I am done complaining for one night Dear Reader. Just thought I might put that out there while I have the chance. On a lighter note, I found a really awesome Asian market that sells Poi. Until next time, Dear Reader and thanks again for taking the time out of your day.

About Writing My Story

So it’s been a month solid that I’ve been sleeping outside. Every day is a lesson in teaching myself what it means to have a routine. Starting from the bare-bones of it all, it’s hard to see where the tasks start sometimes. Dreaming up the big picture was easy. However, it didn’t take long to put it out on paper and start taking notes of the days and planning it all out. Creating a schedule is a key component to this abrupt lifestyle. And I say “abrupt” because not that long ago, there were responsibilities that were already laid out which was easy to do and accomplish. Here, that is a totally different story.

I am the master of my destiny and my garden.

Waking up everyday has been quite difficult because of an apparent insomnia caused by the rigid cold of this valley. With a creek on one side and a river on the other, the causal drafts of wind bring the chill of winter with it. So, I tend to stay up as late as I can to force myself into tiredness. And I suppose being alone at night encourages this behaviour.

In a matter of a couple of weeks, we will have achieved getting into the actual residence of the place and will have started our garden. Today (2.1.17) it starts actually. It’s really cold right now, and the place where I am currently typing has no front door and my hands are freezing. But I type nonetheless. Without music and a tiny heater. I have music, Dear Reader, but there is something about this silence that makes me write. Perhaps the sound of my pressing of each key. Kind of makes me feel more authentic.

I’ve been writing my story that I’ve been working on, but mostly just editing. There is a fair deal of work that still needs to be done as to why I’m writing it in the first place. At first, I suppose that it was just a quick free-write that turned out to be a whole idea, but then I got to thinking: What is the message? In which the writer’s block ensued. So for now, I’m going back and tweaking parts here and there. Which suffices my need to occupy my time when I’m not doing garden activities.

On my third cup of coffee, the existential questions start flooding in and I wonder if the plot of the story is worth it? In hindsight, I think it’s as generic as can be. The type of generic plot that would be referenced in a B-film. Which is why I’m thinking so hard about what it is that I can do to try and make it my own flavour.

Dialogue will almost always be a crucial part in any story. And I feel like that has always come naturally to me. It’s all those tiny spaces between, where all the details should connect, that get to me. Continuity is both an enemy and a friend. So it helps to go over everything a billion times. As of right now, to be honest to myself, it is being drawn out to the point that something in the story needs to change. A disaster or a miracle needs to happen.

Perhaps which is the reason I have said writer’s block.

The need to find a muse actually haunts me. To the point where I feel like I’m in the book Haunted: by Chuck Palahnuik. The only thing that I’m missing is a front door to lock me in. And I suppose that all this time I’ve spent trying to follow my own path has led me here. In retrospect, this is everything that I’ve wanted. Such is the life of a Steppenwolfe.

Now, trying to force myself to write is something I’ve learned to avoid. The story becomes like an instrument out of tune. The basics are there, but there is no life or love in it. No inspiration that could be bequeathed to the reader. Essentially missing the target. Trying to attain that spark that started it all in the first place is also challenging and I hope to find that spark once again in the garden. (Where I have a lot of my ideas!)

Getting my head back on straight is taking a bit longer than I had expected, but that is life I suppose. Trying to lose my mind in books helps, albeit I am using them as sedatives to help me fall asleep. The only real thing left to do is start from the beginning, bare-bones as I have said before, and remember that everything starts somewhere. The natural order of things come to pass whether we are ready for them or not. And some of us are more ready then others.

Even though I struggle to get a grip sometimes, it is my duty to learn as much as I can and document it for the future. At least that is something positive I can leave with the world once I am gone. Thank you Dear Reader for your time.

Foundation and Empire by Isaac Asimov(Book Review)

Asimov’s second book in the Foundation Series, it was immediately apparent to me what would happen. Perhaps the cover of the book gave it away, and I certainly will not give it up myself, Dear Reader. Suffice it to say that it was well drawn out and the answer doesn’t become clear until you’ve gathered all the pieces; but I still saw it coming from a galaxy away.

The story overall is that of escape and secrecy. Hunting down and stopping the Mule is imperative to the future of the universe. In the series, there is something called the “Seldon Plan” in which the “psychohistorian” Hari Seldon mapped out a course for the rejuvenation of the Second Empire through mathematics. With this plan, he projected that the future could be guided into peace and prosperity. The thousands of years of squalor and barbarism could be avoided. Setting up a Foundation on a small planet in the outer rim, it was filled with scientists and it prevailed for centuries. All who tried to conquer it were met with defeat, even when the Foundation didn’t lift a finger.

However, Seldon’s plan did not include a mutation. A variable in the formula that even the great Seldon overlooked. Maybe not “overlooked”, but got seriously wrong.

Bayta and Toran, the two main protagonists of this story, start their search for any and all information that may lead them to the formidable Mule that the whole galaxy fears. And by chance they are accompanied by the Mule’s Clown, Magnifico. A very sorry and queer creature that doesn’t want anything else more than to be as far away from the Mule as possible. Learning that the Mule is capable of emotional control, they are met by old friends that have been converted to the side of the Mule. Although their mental capacity is untouched, they are converted in to loving pawns of the mutant powers of the Mule.

Throughout their travels they are almost always met with resistance and sometimes even the chance of death. As they travel to different planets in search of information or simply running away from immenent danger, the galaxy seems to fall in to the control of the Mule behind them. Every where they go, The Mule’s men are looking for Magnifico. With not being able to tell who’s side anyone is on, Bayta figures out all the pieces to the puzzle just as their friend, Ebling Mis, is about to tell them the location of the Second Foundation. The only thing in the way of The Mule’s constant expansion of his dynasty. After defeating the Foundation, the weight of his existance is apparent to everyone that thought the Foundation could not be destroyed. In a sense, the destruction of the first was a majour victory. However, with the news that there is a Second Foundation only intices The Mule to further his conquest.

Which will happen in the next book, which I have already read and written about.

My favourite part of the whole book was when all of the psychologists and noblemen from the galaxy gather at the Time Vault where Hari Seldon reveals parts of the Seldon Plan to them and they are all astonished and utterly confused when Seldon’s Hologram explains what should be happening and which obviously is not. Leading everyone to think that Hari Seldon was crazy. At this, I literally chuckled throughout the whole thing, as if I too was sitting there in the futuristic chrome seats of the Time Vault.

So, I continue my journey in this epic series of Asimov, and I have finally collected all of the books, including the prequel that I didn’t even know existed. (Thank Goodness for awesome bookstores with great prices!) Until next time, Dear Reader! Thanks for reading.

Post Scriptum- Any suggestions on awesome Sci-Fi books? I’d love to get more books!

Mni Wiconi (Water is Life)// The Storm in California

This year has been a good one for the west coast in regards to rain. It is a much needed resource for places severely stricken by the drought that has been happening for way too many years. So, this is a time for critical thinking and engaging in practices that encourage saving, reusing, and conserving the water that is coming down. We all know that there is a serious scorn by the governments at large to collect rain water, but that is just one more thing that we fight for. Water is a basic human right. Food is a basic human right. Shelter is a basic human right. And it would seem that said government(s) would suppress us even more if we tried to do so. But we are not afraid, are we Dear Reader?

Water as we all know is one of the most precious gifts that our planet has given us. It is the companies and entities that support the Dakota Access Pipeline(and every other pipelines) that would have us believe otherwise. It is Big Pharma that gains when we are getting sick from the foods we eat. And it is the police that ravage the streets with violence and death, keeping the homeless homeless.

The ignorance of America is also part of this problem. People who are not directly affected (yet) do not see the need to fix or change things that have been working for them for many years. So, as activists, we need to step up and bring the forum to them. Without them, we are not a whole. Against them, we will have nothing.

In North Dakota, there was a victory at Standing Rock. However, this victory is just a stepping stone to more battles in the future. Having the pipeline “re-routed” is a good thing as far as it not being drilled under the river there but this isn’t going to stop the black snake. It is still on it’s way to the gulf where it will be shipped off and sold with no benefit to the layman (except perhaps the millions of man hours for those who choose to continue constructing it). Stretching from Canada to Illinois is a long way for something to go wrong. As it always does. And by that time, it may be too late.

While Flint still has unclean water, what will happen to the rest of the Midwest?

These are the serious and terrifying direct results of ignorance, racism, and most of all, Capitalism. Inleague Press does not believe everything we hear and tend to have a bit more discernment through research and careful speculation.

As many believe with the up-coming “President Elect”, the pipeline will indeed be completed as scheduled. This is a major problem not only for the indigenous tribes, but for most of the American People. There is no such thing as “safe” oil. There is also no need or reason to continue using a finite, obsolete, and dirty energy when there are CLEAN alternatives like solar and wind power. Bringing the forum to the public eye is one thing, but it will not get the message out if we are not properly represented. Being a mass in the street is one thing, but it will not get the message out if we every there are still people watching from their computer.

The times that are ahead of us will be tumultuous ones. And the only way to make a difference is to stand together.

My Other Half

As you know reader, this blog goes from being depressing, to radical, to creative… so I’ve decided to keep some of the things separate. With my new venture in to the wilderness and winter of the Oregon mountains, I will be documenting my journey at my previous site handle:

In any case, I will try and keep everything up to date after the queue finishes posting later this week. Also, there is an article I’ll be working on for inleague about current events and what we can do as communities to stand up against the atrocities happening all over the nation.

Thank you Dear Reader for your time. Photos coming soon!